Monday, December 20, 2010

All I want For Christmas


Damn Mariah Carey.

I woke this morning humming a song from Mariah Carey's classic Christmas album. It is Christmas time, after all. It brought me back to Christmases past, many of which I spent brokenhearted...waiting and wishing for phone calls that sometimes never came.

"Miss You Most (at Christmas Time) was my obligatory wallowing song. One particular Christmas was terribly difficult. I was desperately in love with someone. Love Unrequited. And for months, miserably hard months, I fought to get over him. I was seeing someone that I had high hopes for. I really liked him and hoped perhaps I'd finally get over Love Unrequited. But he disappointed me horribly. He was to spend two days with me a mid-point of his 7 hour journey home for Christmas. Not only did he not come, he forgot to let me know.


I was hurt. Why would someone do that to ME? I felt little and insignificant. I felt like a fool. What's worse (yes, worse) is that I could only think of the Christmas prior. I had spent hours on the phone with Love Unrequited and did so for days after. It was a wish I'd had for at least three Christmases. But this particular Christmas I was missing him so much I couldn't breathe. I prayed that he'd remember me this Christmas. I sadly I ended up crying my eyes out Christmas night.

Everybody's laughing,the world is celebrating, and everyone's embracing except for you and I.
I actually love the song but it's unfortunate that it takes me to a dark place at times. Especially this cold Monday morning.
I miss you most at Christmas time
And I can't get you, get you off my mind.
Every other season comes along and I'm alright.
But then I miss you most at Christmas time.
As I reminisce on tough Holidays, my husband calls to say he was thinking of me on his drive to work. Hearing him say he loves me always warms my heart. I have all I ever wanted for Christmas, my own love. Amazing love at that.
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