Sunday, January 07, 2007

Commitment

"Jack of all trades, Master of None" should be engraved on a plaque and hung above my headboard. It fits. I have found it hard to stick to one thing. This could be anything, one job, one degree program, those damned tennis lessons I was so obsessed about. I'm sure some would consider me a quitter. But of the contrary, I hate to quit. I have problem with saying no and setting limits. I have the ultimate problem of making decisions and sticking to it. I am completely terrified of making the wrong decision and because of that I have made many.

I have made the incessant mistake of overloading and reading exhaustion as failure. I've always aspired to be superwoman. I believe I have accomplished the woman part, unfortunately the super part hasn't come as easily. The flip side to doing it all is that the possibility of you doing it all well is slimmer than Nicole Ritchie in her bathing suit last summer. So if some are considering me a quitter, they would certainly consider me a half-ass without a doubt.

Prioritization is a skill I have not mastered. I am not always sure who's priorities I am considering. Much worse, I am not always confident in my own. So I've lost really important things in the process of holding on to things I could give a damn about. I have half-heartedly quit boyfriends, school and other unhealthy ties only to return because I was scared to let go.

This all comes in the wake of the biggest decision I had to make. A decision I have made time and time again but never truly committed to. I commit to my heart and what is best for me, not just for now but also the foresable future.



Geez and I pressure guys to commit...
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