Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Time Change

Yesterday morning I woke up and picked the edges of hair by my heads temple. I did so for ten solid minutes though late again for work. Fixed in the mundane I had a profound moment. As a college student I dreamed of exercising just enough to have that flat stomach and collecting enough money off dining tables to buy the flyest BabyPhat outfit. Though I worked weekends and I had entirely too much homework to be at anyone's club, the desire to be the "baddest bitch" if you will, was ever present.
It's been some years now since college yet I have realized that such desires are hard to abandon. I have cleaned out my closet and am slowly replacing my denim outfits with wool-blend slacks from Ann Taylor. I have broken my relationship with the ever present two-packs of Zuri Ultra Yaki tresses, either sewn in or braided, in the hue of honey blonde because... Beyonce and I have two very separate professions. Clearly. Yet, when I turn on BET I still have this yearning that I just can no longer respond to. I cannot hold on the desire of being the baddest bitch in the club. Maybe my(non-existent) boyfriend's eyes will wander to that young dime piece in the "Juicy" shorts who doesn't have a well-salaried job to lose. Perhaps he'll dream, hell even try to run his hands through all that hair down her back that she paid $1800 of her Pell-Grant money to have fused in. I'm sure she's young and agile enough to "shake her money maker" until the club closes at 2am and still have enough energy to keep him up all night because once again...she doesn't have a well-salaried job to lose in the morning. And maybe that will just have to be okay.

I may have the cute little nightie with red "S" across the chest but I am NOT super woman. I do not have the energy anymore and it breaks my heart to feel as if there is something I CAN'T do. God forbid I am no longer with the times. And the gulf just grows and grows, between me... *sigh* and them. And it will just have to be okay...because times change. I've changed. I just kinda worry about those who haven't and won't.
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7 comments:

  1. It's not that you CAN'T do it--you CHOOSE not to. Hooray for choices!

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  2. Zillz2:38 PM

    damn shawty, when you're done, you're really done with a brotha huh...

    fine, i'll pack my bags...
    and get my things...
    and move into the garage :)

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  3. ^ huh? i wrote that but not for this one...

    anywho, i felt the same way when i went from tighties to knit boxers

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  4. Courtenay7:31 AM

    I like this one... And I love you! :)

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  5. Courtenay7:31 AM

    I like this one... And I love you! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous7:16 PM

    Chi, if I remember correctly, someone was looking mighty fly in that cute little black dress about 2 weeks ago at the club. I am sure much hasn't changed since then. I would have LOVED to tagged someone in that pic on Facebook if they hadn't removed themselves from the only online social society that I am a part of. Give a sista some sign of life when you get a chance.
    ~Ike

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