Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I Put Five on My Skinny Jeans


I stepped on the scale last week and giggled. After my unhealthy diet of Sugarfree Red-Bull and spinach salads with tuna I had finally reached my goal weight in time for my trip to Las Vegas. I needed this trip like someone would need a blood transfusion. I needed to get away.
I walked up to the ticket counter to check in my bags only to find that I was too late to board my flight. Looking at my watch noting it was 6:19 am and my flight left at 6:40, I officially declared American Airlines a bunch of haters. As I walked over to those awful blue airline seats, I had to pull up my pants. Ha Ha! Well, this gives me enough time to do my make up and slip on my skinny jeans. After all you never know who you will meet in Vegas and I needed something to happen to me fast.

Do you ever find it funny how one can tell their whole life story to a stranger as long as they are traveling? Perhaps it is to make the time go by, but I always, ALWAYS find myself in some long intimate conversation during some leg of my trip. You're going where? Oh really you build ships? Kidding I went to Florida State Too. But that is the fantastic part, you never know who you'll meet and I love to meet fantastic people. Since I had to catch a connecting flight stand-by to Vegas from Dallas I lucked out and got a First-Class seat. The flight was full and the guy who originally had my seat didn't want to sit next to te window so he got off. As I walk towards my seat this sharp dressed black man with curly hair remarks, "Well, I got my wish"
"What was that " I asked.
"To sit next to beautiful woman".
Ooooh yes indeed! So glad I spent my money on these pants!

We talked every minute of that three hour flight about work and school, golf, football, HBCU's the guy I had on my mind, his wife and children. But particulary about the life and love of an ambitious woman. He inititially gave me the usual encouraging words of "Get yours and he will eventually come". But it was a three hour flight so the bullshit was going to inevitably wear off.
I want a lot for myself and my father raised me to take care of myself particularly because he doesn't trust any other man with me besides himself. I admit I am a bit old fashioned. No matter how many degrees I have no matter how much money I make in the future I know I want a husband, kids, a home. I still want a man who CAN take care of me and my kids and has that drive in him to do so, at all times. I have found at the tender age of 23 that might not happen, it might not exist. Our Mommas didn't tell us that. (If she was a progressive, dream pusher like mine she didn't) Similar to marriage in general, the truth comes out only after you are in it. I have been having this conversation with my friends for some time now and just recently visited Bullet Proof Diva who had a similar topic.

I have found that I might not be compatible with that guy that I want. Nope. Some how he takes my ambition as a means for competition. Or he sees my jazziness and tries to put me in "my place", never telling me I am beautiful or that I am smart. Not that I don't already know I am beautiful, but I am still a woman. I love complements. He is always trying to reassert his manliness. There is also the guy who knows exactly what to say, how to treat you, he has no problem with the fact that you are more successful than he. In fact he is cruising around looking to come up on the back of some female. You know him. He wants you to take care of him buy his clothes, pay his bills. I am not that chick and you can bet on that.

Life isn't stationary, this world isn't transparent or built to serve a woman. We have to multi-task, work a little harder, wear 3o hats to recieve what our male counterparts do. Here he is, handsome 38 yr old VP of a technology consulting firm who married at 28 a woman 3 years his senior who "had her shit together". Of course, the male who isn't threatened by your success, right? All you ever wanted, imagine what she tells her friends.
Only see, he get older, gathers his shit and realizes his peak is further than yours. He now more established, can take a gorgeous 23 yr old out to dinner. You can't. He can lean his curly head over and admit that now you his wife, is 41 and he is 38 and he wishes he had married someone younger and "worked with her". You can't.

We as women live through dreams. We are sold on words such as virtue, dignity and honesty. We want to hear that story of the woman who had 3 kids after 45 through fertility drugs. We love Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. But you better wake up and walk to Starbucks baby cause that shit isn't for everybody! People LIE. That perfect husband is hardly ever as perfect as you friend, aunt, co-worker wants you to believe. And Brianna is not nearly as satisfied with her single life, there aren't enough CLK's, vacation homes or Prada shoes in the world! It doesn't just fall into place. It is hard work and even harder work for a woman who wants it all and won't take no for an answer. Why can't we be more honest? I would want my daughter to be aware that a woman is never really given power, she has to take it. I want her to understand the implications of that statement so that she make her choices accordingly so that she can get what she wants out of life.

I put five on my skinny jeans and everything that is holy that I could have had more than one drink at his suite at the MGM Grand. The MGM was grand and so was dinner, and so was he...

But I stood up for myself and for her the unsuspecting older wife who was about to get PLAYED. I don't expect another woman to do this for me. I understand the plight of the underdog. But standing is the only way I could zip up my skinny jeans and after all that work I wasn't about to just let some married man take them off.
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4 comments:

  1. Brokkenhearted2:44 PM

    I see...so when can one feel secure even when they have "gotten theirs"?

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  2. good question my little grasshopper...good question.

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  3. After reading your message on Facebook, I decided to visit your blog. Interesting dialog my friend. We must talk later about your trip.

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  4. Anonymous2:54 PM

    Okay I put five on V.P. too girl!

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