Wednesday, November 16, 2005

My Computer has the Clap

I turned on my computer and it started doing some funny things. I can't tell you what exactly, I am a bit too embarassed. Think the electronic equivilant of odd discharge. Just as I had given up on battling the 34 Internet Explorer windows and losing the last draft of my assignment I'd been working on, I began to ponder that scary question "Where exactly has this computer been?" And I had to accept the possiblity that my computer might be a little whore.

No, a hoe. Cause a whore is probably making a little change and me and this heavy-assed Dell laptop are broke ass hell...literally. I remember when I first got this thing. It was so pure, it came in the mail looking pristine with the symbolic white styrofoam. A virgin, it didn't even have Microsoft word on it. I taught it everything it knows, I opened the doors to statistical packages and AIM. I showed it the good life! And this is how it repays getting infected. Letting any ol' flash drive dock in its USB port. Magically deleting the music I have on my computer. Downloading whatever random freebee and giving it an icon on my desktop. You can't just do that! Having an icon on my desktop is something special. You can't just give that kinda love away. I can't tell you how many hands have touched this computer, how many sites it has visited.... I just can't count anymore and remembering how my laptop disappointed me when I really needed it... sent only the most important assignment to my Professor for it to open as plain jibberish...twice. I can't stand to look like the town fool and that's what my computer has set out to do.

Perhaps I didn't treat it the way I should have. Sure, I had like 7GB of music on my hard drive and no I never really turned it off. Ever. I might have spent a little too much time downloading off these "illegal downloading sites". That's it. Maybe I pushed my laptop into betraying me with spyware, tons of it. Maybe if I treated it a little better my display screen wouldn't black out periodically causing me to smack it violently. Like now. I don't mean to, sometimes I get a bit carried away this laptop is always pushing my buttons.

I hope whatever connection my laptop had with...(sigh...) was worth the strain on our relationship. It is going to take many sessions with the Geek Squad to bring us back to where we used to be. I guess I should delete the porn now. Something tells me that will come up some where and I want to do my part to make this relationship work. Besides I don't want to look like the bad guy.
My Computer has the ClapSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


  1. you crack me up, LOL...your wit is just a hoot!

    and my Dell and I are having a HUGE fight...that effin cursor moves ALL over and my internal left click/pointer just gave me the MIDDLE finger!

    Dude, I'm trashing a DELL!!

    SOO getting a know what they say right?

    once you go mac...

  2. Renee9:29 PM

    You are stupid. You and your computer need couples therapy? Yep porn breaks up lot's of marriges.

  3. Anonymous6:14 PM

    You are a fool for real.

  4. rotflol
    when you get rid of the virus make sure you get a firewall

  5. maybe your computer needs to accept jesus and get off the streets...

  6. Thats what you get for pimpin' her will get you every time. AdAware is a porno lover's best friend.

  7. I just bought a big ol' external hard drive to do a big ol' back up.

    I'm preparing for the inevitable break-up with my laptop.

    Because, let's face it. We're all victims of serial monogamy these days.

  8. This reminds me of the scene from Sex and the City when Carrie's computer dies! THank goodness for the Geek squad! I've had to call them in a time or two myself.

  9. Brokkenhearted10:58 AM

    My comp is a bit dirty as well. It takes about 10 mins to get on the internet not because the connection is bad, but the computer is slow to even bring up the browser. The geek squad can see EVERYTHING...even the shadow of porn left over after you delete it...


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