Wednesday, July 20, 2005

It's My Birthday!






So I cheated on this post, I promise to never do it again.



I have made great efforts to have a happy birthday this year. I have just come in from Los Angeles which (I will blog about later) and I am at home with my family. If you can imagine I am still jet-lagged but EVERYONE is calling to wish me a happy birthday. I mean early in the morning-like the butt-crack off dawn-I still have a groggy voice saying "Thank you very much"- early in the morning. I should have felt so loved and appreciated. But by 2pm every time the phone rang I just looked at it and threw it on the floor...and then answered it to accept my birthday wish. Have you ever loved someone so much that it begins to look like it was more than you loved yourself? See, it seemed as if everyone called to tell me happy birthday except this guy. Yeah...it's a guy. But not just any guy. He's THE guy. We all have them (they may not be guys but you know where I am going with this). Can't stop thinking about him. And no matter what, you can't seem to have him. But you know, at this point, I don't even really want him. Nope. I am okay with us being friends. But that is like pulling teeth too. Long story short, every year of my post-adolescent/ young adult life I have wished that "Can't Have 'Em" would call me and wish me a happy birthday or Merry Christmas or Happy Grounghog's day. You know, to show that he cared. I would wait out the whole day with built up anxiety. Sometimes I would be a little teary eyed and even wonder if I ever crossed his mind. He of course, never calls. But I must admit we usually aren't on good terms and I may have told him not to call me ever again. But c'mon, he knows I didn't mean it! But this time after he broke my heart for the (counting...) third time, we aren't particularly on bad terms and I made it quite clear that I was expecting to hear from him on my birthday.

You would have thought a girl coulda waited. By 2pm I was sad, truly sad. I couldn't believe he didn't call! I tried to keep up the happy face but a spare smile was not amongst my birthday gifts. I didn't even bother to open the digital camera my Mommy bought me. By 5pm, I was in tears and my mother kindly proceeded to curse me out. (with out the curse words) I was soooo hurt! I didn't ask him to give a gift, send me flowers, leave his current girlfriend (current being the opperative word) for me. At least not this time. All I wanted was a phone call, a text message, an email saying "Hi, you asked me to remember your birthday and I did." That's what friends do.
I continue to torture myself by thinking, "He'll just call me at 11:59 like a jerk." And "What if he didn't call me because it is HER birthday too!" Argh!!! My stomach hurt to think that "Not-Beyonce" would happen to be born on such a blessed day as my birthday and instead of him calling me from his office phone (which is free), he is out buying flowers and Tiffany necklaces and showering her with all the love that should be given to ME! But as I said before, I don't really want that and am just as happy with the barely platonic concern I am given now...he he. At about 9pm I get a call from him. All my anxiety subsides and I pretend that I was not at all concerned about his call. I knew he'd remember, after all I reminded him. My minutes are free after 9 so that's a plus. And that is the very last birthday that he's gonna have. To make up for lost time I went out with my friend and proceeded to get properly drunk. As I return home and lay in my bed I think, this is great this birthday is sooo much better than last year's! Then I feel the rushing need to go to the rest room but my drunk self can't navigate through the dark... I never make it to the bathroom. I heave up all the crabcakes and duck I had that night right there on the floor. Good thing I didn't pay for it. Happy birthday to me.
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