Friday, May 20, 2005

Um, Hello?

I heard somewhere that communication is key. Did ya'll hear that too? Being able to communicate with others is important and having fantastic communication skills is supposed to be a plus. Do you have great communication skills?

I am going to tell you right now that I don’t. I literally suck in this department. Why? Because people suck and all I hate and fear lie, no lurks, in the communication department, which I will soon explain in further detail. As a result of these fears I um, rarely check and quite frankly avoid email, leave my phone on silent, and never check my mail. I can’t keep up with instant messenger and I don’t believe in leaving a message at the beep. Don’t threaten me by saying you’ll stop leaving me voice mails because honestly, I don’t check them. Text messages work...but I don't want to speak too soon. Be very surprised that I maintain this blog, be extremely surprised considering I don’t have internet access in my apartment…or a home phone…or cable...just lights...and that’s not always guaranteed...but that’s veering off topic.

There are three things in a relationship that I say in the beginning, from the get-go, off top, off rip… that I just can’t stand. Three things that you just don’t do unless you want to hurt me, get me arrested, or have one of us killed. You do not: Ignore my phone calls, Hang up the phone on me, or lock me out and /or refuse to open the door when I know you are home. DON’T DO THAT! (I have somehow been unsuccessful in communicating this to those I care about because they continue to test me) While hanging up the phone and refusing to open the door for someone are all blatant acts of ass-holeness, ignoring one’s phone calls is often viewed as a mild act of rudeness and the popular alternative to confronting one’s baby mama, jealous boyfriend and last Friday night’s awful lay…um, date. But really, is it so hard you spineless, unconfrontational coward to simply pick up the phone and say “Sincere, I don’t want to talk to you right now and I will call you when I do”? Should I get the hint? The only hint I’d get is someone wants their ass kicked and denying you were ignoring my calls just further inspires me to get up and do it. Must be a language barrier, sorry I don’t speak Hint. I also will not be terrorized into avoiding anyone’s phone calls. I politely say “I really don’t look forward to our conversations or seeing your number on my caller ID and would like to regain control of my phone now, thank you.” Thus, I will not answer blocked numbers or ones I don’t know because I will not be out smarted.
Furthermore, I really don’t care for email. Sure it’s efficient, but it’s impersonal. Thank you so much for adding me to the total of ten people you had to forward Freaky Chain Letter of the Week in order for your wish to come true. I am confessing that if there is “Fw:” in the subject heading I will not read it, no matter who you are. I would rather check my online bills. Similar to email, I don’t check my voice mail for this is the manner in which I receive all my bad news and curse-outs. This is also my method of choice when I am forced to give someone a few choice words myself, (and/or cry…you know how it is). Considering they probably are ignoring my calls, it’s my only way of communication. I have 22 voice mails and 95% are unimportant. “SincereCaramel, it’s me, call me back” Thank you, but I have caller ID and I just received a replacement phone with good reception so I’ll know that you called…if you actually did call. Please don’t clutter my inbox with sweet nothings and ramblings of audio because I will never check message #35. And that might be my Mommy and she only has two methods of communication and I am never too old for the other one.
But I know that that it is unhealthy to shut people out and even I get a bit frustrated when I can't reach an individual. We also tune others out even when we are talking face to face or are too impatient to take the time to get our message across. So I promise to work on my communication skills and accessiblity and encourage you to do the same. Can you hear me now? Good.
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  1. Well. Sin..we've all ignored phonecalls...but,whoa...someone locked you out? And you knew they were home? Were u supposed to show up? Girl, do you have some stalking tendencies you're not telling me about? LOL!!!

    I feel you on this communication issue. But some guys don't feel that way though. Maybe they'd rather not talk NOW- because they feel maybe they'd say something they wouldn't want to ..Maybe they don't know how you'd take it if they did say it to you...Most of us like to think we'd be like, "okay, call me when you feel like talking.." But the truth is, the moment he picks up the phone and he says it, ("I don't feel like talking..") we go into panic mode and ask, "WHY? Are you ok? Is everything ok? Did i do something?" OR we light into them right away- about whatever it is we're "upset about". [ I don't get mad, Sin..I get "upset".]

    However...coldly hanging up on you without reason? Oh yeah, that definitely means you shouldn't ever pick up (or call) again. But its really sad that you have to tell these guys not to hang up on you, Sin. These are some serious assholes! I know you're a pretty straight forward chick, and its good, 'cause you're not afraid to tell it like it is. So just cut the assholes off- I mean, its not like you didn't warn them. Bring the pain, girl!

    Oh, and I'm 100% behind you on enhancing your communication skills. Although...who's gonna teach the asswipes to communicate?

  2. It's totally understandable to close people out, Sincere; people, and men especially, are bigger jerks than ever. Still, we all atrophy without at least some interaction with life, which is why your blog, besides being so entertaining, is so healthy for you. I'll give you one thing for sure - you are so much more in tune with yourself than anybody I know personally, including myself. Thanks for the visit, and yeah - you did check mine out before. :) Hang in there, sister.

  3. My phone has been silent for the entire weekend! OOPS.

    I can hear you and feel you too!

  4. Fabala, you are so sweet.

    Rican my dear friend...I was already over there when he locked me out and well it was my boyfriend. Guys always act a jerk and turn it around and act like the girl is being crazy or being a stalker. But don't put it past me...he he he. But you know me sometimes I think I am the only one communicating.

  5. WHAT!?!? You were already there and he locked you out? Oh hell no, Sin...its beatdown time!

    I say we get the girls together and spray paint his car. I like..."I love my vibrator" on the windshield...On second thought, maybe thats too long....

  6. Girl...would never do that to you. Will always answer your calls and hope you will read my emails. Deal?

  7. I'm gonna be honest and tell you that I didn't actually read your whole post. I'm too tired.

    I'm mainly writing to say hey.
    I'll catch up on your posts tomorrow.

    I hope you're having a great weekend!



  8. Anonymous2:58 PM

    Ah, is sounds as if you have a lot of man problems, little mama.
    Im going to try to defend in a way the "asswipe" but he was wrong for locking you out. Communication is good however trust is much more important. Granted he may not want to talk but you have to respect that. If he were to pick up the phone and say Hay i dont wna to talk, you would begin to ask whats wrong or is everything ok. he would then say i dont want to tlak about it but you are just trying to create a conversation that he just not into having. Get it, he doesn't want to talk. So by not talking to you or refusing to answer the phone is away he that he is keepnig to himself. To me it may seem rude but it is a very effective way to not tlak about it. ANd the majority of the time htey will disscuss it with you at a later time anyways. Space is so golden at these times. Men deal with their problems internally unlike women who tend to vent.

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