Friday, May 06, 2005

Celibacy, Noble or Nonsense ? (part 2)

One of my faithful readers, we'll call him Bob (because that's his name) noted that I some how find a way to mention that I am a bit disgruntled about not having sex inmy recent posts. SO I decided to just go on ahead and let it out so I can write about other things of interest.

It has been a month since part one. To recap, I am waiting for a real relationship in which I am comfortable with the individual enough to share my body. Okay, Okay...and that if this special night (morning or afternoon) is indeed bad, I am secure enough in the relationship to know it won't negatively affect our saturday night dates, the late night phone calls and I know there will be plenty opportunity to improve. Basically that he's not going to leave, it is an unsettled fear I have. So...I wait. How's it going? Driving me crazy, thanks for asking! I think my hair is falling out and it has been noted that my butt is getting smaller. Smaller! I met with my doctor about my insomnia and nightmares and asked "could it be because I am not having sex?" She said maybe...I have decided no longer refer to this as celibacy, it just sounds like a bottomless pit of impossibility. I am on strike for better conditions. Hunger strike is noble so sex strike should be too. Similarly, those who had long gone without food probably are hallucinating and thinking of that ham sandwich they didn't finish. I have imaginary sex with a good number of cuties that I see out and about... no need to play the insane game of hard to get. I see the most disgusting individuals...married or hand in hand dishing out obscene amounts of PDA. Everyone is getting some loving! Even the squirrels are getting some and I'm not!! (I know that's not nice but if you haven't eaten in a while...) Aid from electronic devices are over-rated, it is not about fufilling my urges, I miss the intimacy. I miss the rhythmic rocking, feeling the divide in a well sculpted back, the occasional discovery of bruises the morning after...the caresses, the weight of a man. Oh and I miss doing the "I'm about to get some dance" you know what I mean, especially when you know you are REALLY about to get some. I miss the pull between us before we touch, his sighs and praises, arrogant sex talk, the tugging of my hair. Not hard, just enough to let me know who's running it, just enough to make me salute...but I digress. I have decided to perform the exercise of recounting what I don't miss about about sex since I think about it so much.

Wet Spots

My hair being messed up

Neighbors being mad

Being nervous with someone I really care about

Having to fake a climax or defend myself for taking too long

Sweat...I mean it's not mine...I hardly work that hard for anything.
Horny insomnia because my partner is selfish, fast asleep...and snoring

The phone breaks my concentration and someone is always bold enough to answer it.

Finding random condoms and/or wrappers on the floor hours after or worse stepping on them. Eelch!

Having the "I gave it up" feeling, regardless of the circumstances...even with my boyfriend.

Extremely hard slapping...who does that? Even if you want to be called "Daddy" he wouldn't hit me that hard.

The extra long time men spend in the bathroom afterwards...what exactly are they doing in there? If they feel that dirty they shouldn't par take in the activity, I mean they are cutting into cuddle time...

Sex Buddies...they aren't really your buddy. If you can sustain that relationship for a long period of time, someone is in love.

Ill preparation of men...thanks for showering but if I have to make sure my underwear matches you can wear something other than plaid boxers.

Talking immediately afterwards...why? If I am still awake, you haven't finished.

Magnum condoms...(sigh) it's a rare occasion that the one holding the rubber in the gold rapper actually needs it slips off. So I don't miss having to hurt the poor man's feelings when I insist on using something else.

I had realized that sex had just gotten too complicated and I gave it up. I may be marching around in protest but I miss it dearly. This is a really big sacrifice for me and there has been no compromise. My picket sign reads "Good grief, I need some relief". But I am proud to stand up for myself and demand better. And although I am losing sleep and my hair...thinking "thank goodness I didn't sleep with him" makes me feel as noble as knight. It makes this strike worth while and that is no nonsense.
Celibacy, Noble or Nonsense ? (part 2)SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend


  1. Dear Since-
    Gjod dear...this situation is becoming intolerable (at least for a casual reader). My advice, would be find a joint that has numerous boys (of the type you like) and just take one home and make something happen.

    Of course, I know, as a boy...boys are easy. Super. Duper. Easy.

    But, I don't have standards even remotely close to yours, which I find amazing, because you stick to them. Today, I witnessed a co-worker (on her birthday no less) who's been with her fella SEVEN-YEARS, including the TWO-YEARS HE SPENT IN JAIL - (the entire time, her being faithful - she's got standards) call him out for not coming home the night before. SEVEN YEARS AND...HE. DOESN'T. COME. HOME.!! (and on her goddamn b-day 'eve?!?!)

    People suck. Sometimes you find good ones and most of the time, you don't. Sometimes the sucky-ones are worth the trouble, and sometimes you set the bar so high that even a keeper can't make the cut.

    Sorry for the heavy comment, your post was beautiful, images that could have been pulled out of my own intimate world. (and no, I can't tell you what we do in the bathroom-it's a secret.) Plus, it was really, really hot.

    Well, I'll be rootin' for ya.

  2. OMG!! Did DT just get deep in this biiaattch or what?!?!

    Well,Sin, you already KNOW I get this post. And you know how it is-we women never find anyone until we aren't looking, or aren't worried about it.

    (LOL@ the Magnum condom situation!!! Never had it happen to me *makes sign of the cross*, but I can can definitely feel the disappointment.)

    Be glad that you're on strike- I mean, its not like you can't have anyone- Its that you just want someone SPECIAL. And there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. Something special is well worth waiting for.


  3. Anonymous10:28 PM

    Good grief I need some relief? You are really funny. I love your blog and the way you keep to your themes make it fun to read. This is almost as good as a tv show I just keep coming back

  4. LOL! A dude made you salute? Girl! I swear you are too funny. You have asked the million dollar question what are they doing in the bathroom so long?

  5. Anonymous12:14 AM

    you are such a hater, ugly people need love too, it's about time the pretty people don't get any.

  6. Brokkenhearted2:01 AM

    Indeed my dear, you are noble. Men these days are able to get away with treating a woman like shit. They leave us awake, horny, and paranoid that their ultimate desire to wear the hopeful Magnum condom hasn't cost us a trip to Walgreens to pick up a strip of paper to pee on. If no one stops to say "no, you're a skeazy bastard" then they will continue to give you keys when you are drunk, forget to tell you happy birthday when they were told a mere day in advance, and pretend as if a prior sexual event gives them reason to call you at 4AM for happy hour. I repeat, you are noble indeed. I have the utmost respect for you in not perpetuating the ONE thing that in my opinion, would ever make women the weaker sex.

  7. So proud of you for sticking to your guns for so long. As a reward, you should go out and get yourself laid.

    Or did I miss the point completely?

    Have a great day. Speak to you soon.


  8. I salute you in being steadfast on the noble road.

    I'm A Sistah. (Hello Sistah) And I've been five months clean. (applause) One day at a time. Wanna start a 12-step program?

    Your exercise is brilliant. That 'I gave it up feeling' smarts.

  9. Good deal! My name is in print.....sweet.


  10. Anonymous6:22 PM

    Hello, this is my first time reading your material and it's hot. I'm a goog friend of H's and she put me on to your writing. I am a single educated woman with my own everything dealing with all the same issues. I thought I was the only one with a friend named John.I'm definitely feeling the celibacy thing, Wow ! Keep up the good work.

  11. Anonymous6:22 PM

    Hello, this is my first time reading your material and it's hot. I'm a goog friend of H's and she put me on to your writing. I am a single educated woman with my own everything dealing with all the same issues. I thought I was the only one with a friend named John.I'm definitely feeling the celibacy thing, Wow ! Keep up the good work.

  12. Beautiful, touching, and sad. Yet somehow you weave that humor in there, and that tells me you're hanging on. I really admire you for that. It''s good that you're sticking to your standards. Too many women settle for far less than they deserve. <3

  13. Anonymous11:33 PM

    Girl, Hang in there. As a female who has been dissapointed before....and who has been celibate for almost a year, let me tell you: sex is overated. It's great, don't get me wrong, but it's ten times better with the right person and it's definitely worth holding out for. Without the sex, it's easier to weed out unserious guys when you don't have to deal with all those conflicting emotions (artificial emotions, I call them). Good luck girl, and may you find the best man for the job.

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