Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Celibacy, Noble or Nonsense? (part 1)



*Mommy, Daddy, this is a post you wouldn't mind skipping...and all others who may potentially find this offensive*

Celibacy is a word that sounds like something that should be sold behind the counter at Walgreens. A word that really means voluntary refusal to enter the married state, with abstinence from sexual activity. But it currently means...I haven't been getting any for quite sometime.

Living a life of celibacy is supposed to be noble and admirable. Many religions place high stock in abstinence from sexual activity. Ones ability to rise above the flesh and resist all temptation. It is supposed to show self-discipline and sacrifice. I must now note that those who um, enlist in the oral service don't count! You aren't sacrificing anything. If you are able to climax...and you are not alone...it's sex. I am currently a celibate...please hold your laughter. After taking consistent traumatic blows, my sex life has slipped into a coma, causing me to send my vagina to aid in the Tsunami relief effort. That's noble. Besides I figured it would be much more helpful there.

I used to believe that being celibate was soooo self-defeating. I mean, I usually hear of people giving up sex in reaction to a very bad experience, in some senseless pursuit of a virgin or in some pact with God in hopes that they don't have disease X and they aren't the father of child Y. I however, am waiting for my knight in shining armor.... meaning my sex life will then be in a persistent vegetative state, not just a coma. "Celibacy" is self-defeating if you let some awful situation get the best of you, but I accept defeat! The winning blow? "I really wasn't into it, couldn't you tell?...It felt forced." Um, excuse me?!? Maybe I would have noticed but all his slapping was a bit distracting. After that I had to send my vagina on the next plane to Indonesia. *Sigh* I did force him to have sex with me, I did. Everyday...for a week. Even in the shower. Yeah. Love is sooo evil. But I can admit now that although I was really into him (In love)...I was not always that into it either. And I am sure if he gets off his high horse, he could tell.

Speaking of being dry, I would always refer to my long periods of sexual deprivation as droughts. But this is extra, extra dry. If we forget that week (which is utterly impossible) I haven't received any male affection for months! And I am about to go slap crazy!!! The hardest thing about not having sex...is obsessing over all the good sex you are not having! Instead of thinking about why anyone would make windshield wipers for head lights I am having fantasy sex.

Explore why you are giving up sex. Are your reasons noble or nonsense? It's soooo much harder when you've actually had sex before. When you've had good mind blowing, neighbor waking, cops calling, as if you were high on crack sex! Because if you haven't, you wouldn't know what you were missing.

This is supposed to be a sacrifice in order to find the right man. Don't argue with me, this is just what I decided to do! I have given up a lot of other things in the process i.e. steamy romance novels, random Friday night dates, bubble bath(don't ask) movies, steak...I no longer have more than one drink on dates 1-4 cause times are getting kind of hard...only time. Puh-leeze Prince Charming come rescue my uh...not-Snow White-sex life from a persistent vegetative state!!!!

Today celibacy is nonsense.
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17 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:30 AM

    oooooh girl no you didn't! I'm laughing but dang, dry and vegetative? I think snow white was in a vegetative state.

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  2. Anonymous4:27 PM

    you were right girl!!!!!Your mama had better not read this cos you will sure get some ass/arse whupping!!!!!!Celibacy is a good thing especially when it is for a good cause.....

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  3. your good friend10:20 PM

    You do refer to sexual deprivation as a going through a drought and you have for years! that's what I thought you meant by purple rain in a drought, you are waiting for that extra special sex. It was hard to give up crack huh? (wink wink)

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  4. Girl, what the hell were we thinking yesterday? You are so inside my mind!!! (Read my post for yesterday, also.)
    Only I think bats will probably fly out when I finally try to have sex because it will be TWO YEARS in AUGUST. SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, EVERYBODY, SCREAM!!!!

    Rican

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  5. Anonymous10:26 PM

    sending your female member to help in the tsunami aftermath is noble! haha haha! At least you didn't throw it away like you kept saying you would. Being an organ donor is a noble thing!

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  6. Two years!!!! I can't breathe. I can't. What? I think I am having a panic attack. Are we counting in months and 24 hour days? I am moral, sentimental and I have standards...well maybe not standards j/k. Cancers are really sensitive. But geez, I like sex. I love sex! Sex just got too complicated. I am a ball of yarn, there are always strings attached!! I am physically uncomfortable around those I'm really into. But I am sooo over casual well, business casual sex. It WAS hard to give up "Crack" but sex like that should only be between husband and wife. I do know that if I am um, unsatisfied no matter how much I love him it will drive me crazy. So since there's no compromise...I'm waiting.

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  7. Yes, August 9th is the anniversary date to be exact. You know I'm counting. How could I not?

    LMAO@ "crack sex"!!! I can't deny I need a fix, but that sh*t is dangerous!

    My really good sex was awhile ago- and I try not to think about it, because its depressing. My ex (if he was ever my bf anyway) drove me absolutely wild in every way. And then he left. I was completely winded, and I still haven't completely caught my breath. So I guess this period of celibacy is a wall- a trust issue. I'm a sad, sad case.

    Rican(Damn, its time for a new post)

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  8. Another friend3:51 PM

    Ooooooh girl. It was hard for you to let "Crack" go huh? It was hard for me and I wasn't even there. As for "It was forced" he was a punk who said punk things and made punk A@* choices. We know you got that fire! You should just stop falling in love with punks!

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  9. Thanks for stopping by the other day! I love having new readers pass through. You've got a great blog here as well.

    I've felt your pain when it comes to the droughts. I had one that last almost a full year. And it made me want to cry. Try not to focus on it too much!

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  10. Sad and interesting and entertaining and a good read overall. I'm always taking vaginas...if you decide the charity thing doesn't work out.

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  11. Awww.....you poor, poor beasts!!! Just out of curiosity, why aren't you letting yourself....ummmm......do yourself? Not getting off on your own, on top of not getting off with someone else, seems like you're almost torturing yourself....

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  12. DSTIVA5:43 PM

    You know that you know that you know...something that we all need to know...when you do something do it for the right reasons. If you are not what's the point in depriving yourself after all.

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  13. Hello! I found your blog through Rican Doll's site. Oh my god you crack me up. Anyone who says "I had to send my vagina on the next plane to Indonesia." is definately someone I want to associate with.

    Bye bye!
    T

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  16. If you wish to know what celibacy is all about, try reading some Vedic texts. The Vedas, (from Mother India), are the most sublime knowledge known to man and outline the mechanics of Creation, as cognized by fully enlightened saints over the Ages. What the seers 'see' are the combinations and permutations of sound vibrations and the way that they manifest into the physical Universe. Our present day knowledge is woefully inadequate, in even theorizing about the origin of the Universe, Creation, Evolution, etc., and is just beginning to scratch the surface of sound and color, as found via quantum mechanics and the building blocks of Creation.
    The real purpose of sexual abstinence has been lost, due to 'the long lapse of time' and general misinterpretation of true knowledge. Essentially, when one engages in spiritual pursuits, such as yoga asanas (postures), pranayama (breathing practises) and meditation, a refinement of the physical body, mind, senses, ego and Self, becomes apparent over time. In order to gain the most from such pursuits, good food, good thoughts, good company and good environments are essential. Practising celibacy, while employing the above, allows the body to 'refine' the sexual fluid into 'ojas' and 'soma'. Soma has been described as "the glue of the Universe". Even poison does not affect the refined nervous system of the spiritually enlightened. Real knowledge shows us that there are 4 sheaths to the human body - physical, spiritual, causal and etheric (astral). The spinal column houses 7 energy centers, (or chakras), and 3 vertical channels - the 'shushumna', (in the middle of the spine), the 'ida', (along the left side) and the 'pingala', (along the right side). These channels cross each other at the chakras and run from the base of the spine, to the top of the head. I'm sure that most of the medical profession is unaware that their symbol of the two serpents wound around a staff, is actually a visual representation of the 'kundalini', or serpent energy, (in the base of the spine), rising (through spiritual practices), to the top of the head.
    The refinement of the sexual fluid assures that refined and expanded consciousness has a good home to live in! Each chakra corresponds to a vital organ, or critical part of the body and is also influenced by a corresponding planet - sun (solar plexus), etc.. Everything in the Universe influences everything else! If we only knew the quantity of GOOD food it takes, to make up such a small amount of sexual fluid, we would not waste it so flagrantly. I know that sex is everywhere and that it feels good, but compare the features of a person practicing celibacy, to those of a person who intentionally wastes their sexual energy and tell me what you see.
    The Kama Sutra, (also from India), delves into every sexual practice and position imaginable, but, the key is that they condition the body to enjoy the sex act, without losing sexual fluids. Essentially, if they orgasm, they have trained their bodies to internalize the effect, so that there is no loss of fluid, or energy. For such a situation to occur, the refined fluid has travelled up the spine and the 'lower' energy chakras do not rule the sexual acts. In such cases, I refer to it as 'sexercise'! One can still enjoy sex, even more so than the average person, and reap the pleasure and aerobic benefits of hot,monkey sex! I hope that this has been somewhat 'Enlightening".

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  17. Anonymous12:58 PM

    Ok, even though you wrote this in 2005....it still counts, and I'm still shocked...
    JFL

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