Thursday, February 24, 2005

He's Just Not That Into You


He's Just Not That Into You
A book that has swept through the millions of single women in America. Every single woman knows at least one person who has read this book. I have read the book 2.5 times. And I highlighted. I am able to admit this because so many women have read this book. There has to be at least one other than myself with yellow lines in her book. Secondly, Wal-mart now has the book on sale for $8.50 when I purchased the book shortly after it's release for $13.99. I am making certain to get my money's worth.

After endless phone conversations about how "on the money" or "one-sided" or even "insensitive" the book is. I decided to take a poll, consider my experiences and those of my friends and situations illustrated by the authors...and compile a list of clues that he is indeed just not that into you. This by all means is not exhaustive, though it is a bit more inclusive. There is something here for everyone!


* If you are reading a book called "He's Just Not That Into You", He's probably not.

* If he could not be your date to the wedding this weekend because he had to stand at the alter... and get married, maybe he's not into you.

* If he brought you a Coke and you specifically asked for a Pepsi...

* If he says he doesn't believe in long-distance relationships and he didn't just graduate from high school. We no longer need our parents permission to go on road trips...He's just not that into you.

* If he takes you to the movies on the other side of town on a Sunday afternoon to "avoid the crowd"...

* If he says that he has commitment issues...(p.s. Yes, this is even if he's 40 with no kids and never been married. He is just not that into you or anyone else)

* If his father always has a heart-attack, or his mother seems to have cancer or his awful, evil ex-wife always wants to call to discuss alimony...when you have a dinner date. He's not that into you. (p.s. even if he always sets the date and you hear his mother choking on the phone. Remember, she had her jaw removed last week, that's why you didn't meet the play he bought tickets for. She's not choking and if she is, she'll be fine.)

* If he steals from you...anything. He's not that into you.

* If he ever calls the police on you...for whatever reason. (p.s. if you are thinking of an instance where he could still be into you after a 911 call, I advice you to abandon it)

* If he's an uncompromising bedmate i.e steals all the covers in the middle of the night, cuts you repeatedly with his toenails, snores like a hippopotamus and pushes you to the edge and God forbid, even off the bed! He's just not that into you. (p.s. yes, even if you are married to him. If you are, I am really sorry)

* If he suddenly "misplaces" or "broke" his phone for long periods of time. (p.s. or habitually)

* He's not that into you if he already has a wife or a girlfriend. (p.s. yes, I have considered the notion that he may not be that into HER if he is seeing you on the side. However, this is not entitled He's not that into her because he's into ME"

* He's not that into you if he's cheating on you. (p.s. I don't strongly agree with this because some cheat on the ones they love. But as the co-author Greg Behrendt puts it, he's not into you enough to be faithful.)

* He's not that into you if you are NOT his girlfriend...and he has made that clear.

* If he drives your car and doesn't EVER put gas in it

* If you two are out together and he walks ahead of you...he's just not that into you and just a jerk.

* If your former flame has a new girlfriend immediately after dating you and she looks like a banshee...he was never that into you.

* If your successful husband all of a sudden decides to mentor a hot, smart and ambitious 22 year old and they are always meeting at the W for drinks...Guess what.

* If he doesn't pay his half of the rent because he is unemployed and the house is not spotless when you get home. Believe me he's not into you, at all.

* If he's not in the mood because he's tired, his back hurts or he's stressed out...he's not that into you and he's cheating.

* If he continues to tease you about your short hair, flat chest, unwanted facial-hair, thunder-thighs or your intense fear of turtles after you repeatedly told him to stop. He's not that into you and he's emotionally abusive.

* He's just not that into you if he says he's just not that into you. (p.s. you can't change his mind so stop trying)
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7 comments:

  1. Brokkenhearted11:47 PM

    *He's just not that into you if he hands you a bottle of vodka and tells you to drive home when you clearly have alcohol poisoning.

    *If he only knows your phone number between the hours of 12-4AM.

    *If he is incognito between Feb 10th and Feb 16th.

    *If he thinks an episode of Jeopardy is acceptable foreplay.

    *If he tries to sleep with you 45mins after meeting you.

    *If you've been seeing him for two weeks and he still mispronounces your name.

    ReplyDelete
  2. P.S. He's Just Not That Into You is a self-help book. It is. It is noted as "self-help/dating" and in the self-help section of Borders. If you read this book...you read a self-help book. Yes, you really did.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2:01 PM

    hahaha you forgot to add he's not into you if he keeps forgeting to call you back. He's not that into you if he is trying to convince himself that you do not exist.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow, anonymous. You too?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for visiting my site and asking questions friends. It is okay to post these questions as comments and not call, text message or e-mail them to me. But to answer you because cleary you all want to know but don't want to formally ask...

    *Am I talking about someone in particular? Sometimes
    *Yes, he did cover some of these in the book. No, I didn't mention all of it. Yes, I really did include my friends' exeperiences as well.
    * It was Hotel Intercontinental! and unfortunately he was VERY into me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous12:28 AM

    you have a fear of turtles?

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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