Thursday, February 24, 2005

Dear John...My Imaginary Partner

I have an imaginary boyfriend.

His name is John. Just John, no last name needed (it’s not like he has to pay taxes or anything). He is 6’2 and 225 pounds of pure unadulterated imagination. John and I talk all the time. Our conversations are flirty, witty, intense, and sensitive. He talks freely about his childhood aspirations and embarrassing crush on Lisa from Saved by the Bell. We laugh at the mere sound of each others voices. He brings out the inner lamer in me. Every time my phone rings I hope it’s him. He’s never hesitant to discuss his shortcomings with me and he doesn’t present them in a way that makes him seem “better and stronger today because of it.” He is not self-righteous. He is just John and just human and embraces that.

He is gainfully employed and passionate about where his career is headed. He has a plan and has made apparent strides towards his goals. His presence inspires me to be better though I know he loves me just the way I am. Sometimes I can even see how I inspire him. He’s so versatile. He has the smile of Morris Chestnut, rugged appeal of Russell Crowe, sexy southern banter of Matthew McConaughey and distinguished swagger of Denzel Washington. Sometimes he’s Gottfried the 7-Up guy, sometimes The Rock. He goes to great lengths to make me happy. He is just that sexy.

He is an attentive and passionate lover. With him I feel whole and no longer ponder what he is thinking, where this is leading, if there is someone else. For the first time in my life I can believe in the good of the moment and breathe. I can breathe instead of pant and scream in attempts to drown out my inner voices telling me he's going to lose interest and stop calling me. Afterwards, he does not spend that annoying hour in the bathroom. I fall asleep first.

He doesn't snore or have nasty smelling feet. He LOVES shopping with me and giving me dresses to try on. He tells me that I am pretty not just because he thinks so, but because he knows I like it. He NEVER looks at other women when we are together. He isn't a booty or boobs guy. He is a soul man, to him this is my best attribute and he loves feelin' on that.

I don't mind if he shows up without calling. Infact, he has a key to my apartment. Depending on the way you look at it we live together-OR-we have a long distance relationship.(Imaginary land is um, next to Montana right?) Either way we don't need space from each other, nor do I feel the distance is tearing us apart. He's a busy guy with lot's of imaginary things to do. I am an understanding person.

He likes jazz...beyond "In a Sentimental Mood" and the Charlie Brown song. He is a gift giver like just now. He got me this nice white spring jacket like the one we saw together at the Gap. Except this one has lots of buckles. Honey, I think I am going to need help putting this on. The buckles are the back...oh. Oh. I get it. He's funny.

I can admit that my partner is a figment of my imagination. Well, because he is. However, some of our partners though real and with us everyday aren't real. Our perfect relationship exists only in our heads. Perhaps we live in that imaginary land called "The Future" waiting, molding, hoping. One day that person will be the person I want him/her to be. My imaginary partner
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  1. Brokkenhearted7:28 PM

    I think you're right. Even when you are with someone you never cease to want them to mold into your perfect partner. And even that changes everyday. What we should work on is wanting what we see and wanting it wholeheartedly. That is how marriages will last and relationships won't be reduced to bullshit.

  2. Tom241:37 PM

    It is unhealthy to have an imaginary partner past the age of six. That's why people have cats.

    I have to admit you do make a valid point. Some people just settle for less than what they me...while others try to convince themselves and others that what they have is great. Nothing pisses me off more than that.

  3. Anonymous1:40 PM

    Yeah, tom. You know who comes to mind, Jen and Brad. Oh, they parade through America as this perfect couple then boom! Oh we are crappy too. I feel deceived. I believed in them.

  4. Star Jones Reynolds lives in imaginary land if she thinks her husband is straight. And if she in fact does know he is gay, she is soooo wrong for trying to convince the public he's not. Just had to put that out there.

  5. Anonymous12:44 AM

    S.C, you wrong for that. But he is gay.

  6. Like I said. Hook me up with John's brother.

    Another on point, SincereCaramel.


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